I'm Wilma. Girl. No dragon tattoo. I love theatre, fashion, music that makes me orgasm and taking pictures. I have split myself between three places (London-Stockholm-Tallinn), but my current hub is Tallinn. Wherever my circus goes, there's always a party. If the party does end, I watch cat videos and blog about it all. Check out my yearly summaries below to get to know me a bit better. Header: Mandel Photography

If you have any questions: hemafruu@gmail.com.

Tuesday, May 31, 2022

Wilma Circus in May 2022

Look what the blogger cat dragged in, a wounded Wilma Circus, who had the highest of highs and lowest of lows in May. At least I have Pebbles' birthday Stockholm trip to fall back upon.

We got the corona waaaayyyy after it was trending all over the world. Physically slightly inconvenient, but the timing falling on my birthday together with a baby in the house exaggerated the whole experience.  

The biggest disaster happened on the 14th of May, as after 864 days I finally forgot to take the daily picture of myself. It was the Eurovision final (fav!), I was packing for Stockholm, Fred and I were certain that we captured the moment, however our camera and phones show no proof of it. 

I was really pissed about the error and dramatically promised to stop this ridiculous New Year's resolution. Yet I have to admit that my therapist was right, this monthly recap is a true antidepressant for me. And guess what, I hate myself off the meds.
So here we go again:

1st of May
Balcony season 87% downloaded:

2nd of May
The chairmen of My Kid Ate Shit committee:

3rd of May
"I look right, you look left,
maybe we can spot the warm spring temperatures":

4th of May
Look at this sexy cleaning service:

5th of May
With great power come great electricity bill:

6th of May
Spring stopped playing hard to get
and it was suddenly picnic o'clock:

7th of May
I told her how expensive curtains are and she shat her pants: 

8th of May
Raggedy Wilma: 

9th of May
ArrrArrrArrr – carrying this wild pirate safely to the shores:

10th of May
It's called outdoorsy & fabulous:

11th of May
Look at this intelligent fucktart dressed up for theatre:

12th of May
*insert a joke how females are bad drivers*

13th of May
Judging people as the walk by:

14th of May
Let's lower our head for sadness. 
I fucked up during the Eurovision final (my favourite time of the year)

15th of May

16th of May
Hello, Stockholm!
Hello, Pebbles 365 around the sun:

17th of May
My favourite city, my favourite season, my favourite child:

18th of May
Never too old for miniskirts:

19th of May
A feeling sponsored by Tallink:

20th of May
We rollin', they hatin':

21st of May
Sent the family away to be alone all day, alone all night.
That's the perfect birthday present:

22nd of May
On my birthday I always look hot:

23rd of May
Look at this old lady taking pictures with her flowers:

24th of May
Coronavirus on the balcony: 

25th of May
Coronavirus on grass:

26th of May
Coronavirus on the couch:

27th of May
Coronavirus in our bed:

28th of May
Already started to plan my 2023 birthday to ease the pain:

29th of May
Jumping on the bed is such much allowed in the Circus family:

30th of May
Walking into summer like:

31st of May
Ok, bye. 
Eurovision is over. Birthdays are over. Favourite month is over:

Sunday, May 22, 2022

Wilma Circus birthday festival – corona cocktails

Previous year I did my best to push Pebbles out as fast as possible, because by no means I wanted to share my birthday with her. The failure of giving birth and thereof, our birthday festivals are six days apart. So I got what I wished for? Kind of. 

Fred didn't wish any of this, since his May includes Estonian Mother's Day, Pebbles & Wilma's birthday and ends with Swedish Mother's day. 
Give the guy a break (of those Mother's Day deal newsletters).

After returning from Sweden earlier than planned, we got a gift that I didn't ask for – cOrOnAvIrUs (read with Cardi B voice). Two years and two month after the trend started, we finally jumped on the back wagon. 

In 2021 I made peace with the fact that six days after giving birth my birthday was somewhat cancelled. Luckily I had Eurovision Final on that day to sooth my soul. This year there was no 12 points, just sadness and loneliness in my soul (the title of my next year Euro entry).

So here I am, two days of isolation left. For the matter of clarity, due to unseen circumstances, I'm still 29. 

Fever made us hot, so I asked Fred to grab the camera and document the chaos. Why so many identical pictures, you ask? 
Never explain. Never complain. 
Terrible birthday, but at least I looked stunning.

My preferred style of dressing alike =
 one fabric, different Destiny's Children:

The level of hotness? 
37,6°C at that very moment:

The Flamingo Mama & The Little Funky Donkey:

Instead of 10-day isolation,
I asked for long-lasting away time from the fam. 
Sometimes lose, always win:

Showing that Earth is not flat and in vax we trust:

If I'm having low days like these,
then I just squeeze my rubber boat and ventilate:

Point your finger towards the ones
who will change back to PJs faster than light:

We're not always sick,
but when we are, we're breathless:

Saturday, May 21, 2022

Pebbles 1 festivities in Stockholm

Once upon a time 19 year old Fred and 18 year old Wilma were on a cruise to Stockholm. The vodka haze, the spring time, high school was almost over – great time to get the romance boat going.

12 years later, on our daughter's first birthday, it was perfect timing to, yet again, take that boat to Stockholm. 
No high school, no vodka, but yes to love. 
Pebbles gave zero fucks about the fact that she had travelled 365 days around the sun, therefore it was more of a celebration of me and my uterus. One year is kind of a big deal, because everything becomes comparable. "What did I do one year ago today? – opened door to a huge Trauma-town."

Travelling is so difficult with a baby, so I guess I am not doing it. Internally I felt the resistance. Grocery shopping is so difficult with a baby. Eating out means chair, cups, food, mess, worry thoughts just whirlpooling in my mind. The more I avoid stressful things, the more stressful it is. 

Also, I found the confirmation that highest standard of parenthood can be found in Sweden. The easiness of commuting with a pram, the empowerment of not needing an assistance, the idea of babies as part of daily life not just special "baby friendly areas". 
I felt happy and normal, it was sad to leave.

I loves Pebbles so much that I was ready to put my fear towards boats aside for a minute:

"Here's the place where mama & papa started to tap-a-tap-a":

Husband material and baby daddy in 2010:

Pebbles can already read, 
next week she will get her driving-licence: 

Greatest advice I can give to Pebbles?
When life gives you lemons,
leave them be and go to the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet:

The amount of times you fill up your plate = n.
The amount of times you fill up you plate at All-You-Can-Eat Buffet = n+1:

Pebbles, the House of Wilma Circus, has lived on this planet 365 days:

The pirate of Kitties & the pirate of Titties:

The face when you just found a box of sand,
but it turned out to be poo & pee spot for travelling dogs:

The discourse of female babies being princesses makes me vomit,
but the sound of 'Baltic Queen' is not too shabby:

"It's just a shark decoy tied to a raft
because the Reggae Shark is a master of da arts and crafts"

Pebbles, my sperm donor and I:

Mister Dad being Out of Office and not taking any business calls:

Ja, må hon leva,
Ja, må han hon leva,
Ja, må hon leva uti hundrade år!
Ja visst ska hon leva,
Ja visst ska han hon leva,
Ja visst ska han hon leva uti hundrade år!
Hurra, hurra, hurra, hurra!

It's always two weeks warmer in Stockholm:

We spent the 16th of May, the International Pebbles Day, at Skansen.
The slogan "children's favourite since 1955" really delivered:

A cocktail that tastes like David Attenborough and the TV show Osoon:

Ain't no mountain high enough, 
ain't no chair big enough:

Sun's so bright like Pebbles' future:

Our relatives are not allowed to give presents to Pebbles,
but this rule does not apply to Fred & Wilma (power trippin'):

The moment he got lost in the "Holy shit I have a kid" rabbit hole:

Let's start learning about mental health early.
Pippi Långstrump has ADHD like traits and also a hint of narcissistic and histrionic disorders:

One of my favourites, the Gullviva:

The modern meets the ancient:

One of my favourites, the Syren:

A year ago I would have rather died instead of showing my bellybutton:

All sweet stories about love, birthdays and other cute bullshit aside,
we are here for one thing and one thing only, MAX BURGERS:

We don't fear the Russian bear,
we support the Swedish Björn in NATO:

No bullshit, travelling with Pebbles is awesome:

Balconies are my vibe:

The hotel was great, but they did not have baby potties.
"But where do I poop then? In my diaper??! No, be serious!"

At 21:55 I felt relieved. 
A bit happier then the year before:

What a historical day to be in Sweden: 

Pebbles does not sleep in the carriage, 
so here is a floating bedroom:

I already did my part of carrying her 9 months:

The right way of being rich:

"Pebbles, I am your father":

Fallin' into your ocean eyes:

The May flowers:

Gentle paw:

That's my kid with "Fuck the system" attitude:

It's a bliss with a kid,
that boats are part of Stockholm's public transport system:

Look at this bloody tourist:

"Mama lived here for two years, papa one year. Soon you will live here":

You have no idea, how I avoid playgrounds in Estonia for its awkwardness between parents.
Holy shit, how chill the whole interaction in Sweden was! 
No pretentious bullshit, just fun between kids:

Travelling around and showing Pebbles the world,
that is one of the best aspects of having a kid: 

"Yes, very interesting"

The one and only birthday cake – Prinsesstårta

The land of IKEA:

You might laugh when I say Günter's serve the greatest hotdog in the world.
But laughs on you, since IT IS TRUE MAGIC:

Sausage Gang:

Day by day she gets more amazing.
I cannot wait until she starts speaking full sentences,
because at the moment "lamp" and "thank you" is rather dull conversation:

Hates face cleaning and shoes.
Loves food and grass:

Let's ignore gravity together:

"Good morning, world!"

"So VOLVO means I roll in latin. That's interesting":


Congratulations, we have survived yet another winter:

A little kitten at Vetekatten:

"I have no idea what cake is or how it tastes,
but I LOLz anyways":

Breastfeeding with pride:

She likes the birds and the bees:

Cute as a button, discovering the world:

Ok, let's go home:

The trip turned out shorter than we wished for,
but we had more fun than should be allowed:

If you're happy and you know it, 
rise your feet.
If you're happy and you know it, 
rise your feet:

It was nothing like I expected, it was nothing like others told me,
I designed motherhood for myself: 

Stepping on the same beat:

The boat is ridiculously outdated, full of drunk teenagers and the bar is turned into a playroom.
Booze cruise at its finest:

Booking our next trip as we speak:

Kendrick Lamar put out a new album and recently it's all they listen to.
"Bitch don't kill my vibe":

Island in Swedish is Ö.
So one ö here, one ö there:

Tax-free and karaoke:

My fear of boats was rather mellow,
I probably had to show Pebbles that I'm a hero without a cape:

And a new tradition on 16th of May is born

Few observations during my one year of being a parent:

1. I didn't love her from the moment she was born. Our bond was built over time.

2. It is possible to set myself first, our relationship with Fred second and baby comes after all that. Pebbles benefits from everything not revolving around her.

3. Life got a wonderful upgrade after 7-months old Pebbles moved into her own room (which was long overdue).

4. The amount of toxic advice from relatives and close ones is so damn high. "You better wait, soon they will..." There’s a lot of anecdotal stuff out there.

5. Fred and I have stronger relationship, which is less to do us having a baby and more that we are forced to communicate better. 

6. Sense of self. My biggest fear was losing myself in motherhood. For people without kids, parenthood seems like it’s this suddenly all-encompassing thing. Nope, I designed motherhood for myself. First and foremost I'm Wilma Circus, being a mom is huge part of my life, but it’s not all I am.

7. Utilise therapy tools. 

8. No matter what choice you’re making, it’s not the right one in somebody else’s eyes.