I'm Wilma. Girl. No dragon tattoo. I love theatre, fashion, music that makes me orgasm and taking pictures. I have split myself between three places (London-Stockholm-Tallinn), but my current hub is Tallinn. Wherever my circus goes, there's always a party. If the party does end, I watch cat videos and blog about it all. Check out my yearly summaries below to get to know me a bit better. Header: Mandel Photography

If you have any questions: hemafruu@gmail.com.

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Soontaga RMK

Our week of road tripping ended at Soontaga RMK house, where 10+1 of our friends joined us as well. We have now tested the RMK rental system out four times and I'm desperately waiting this blog be sponsored by RMK. *I accept payments in mushrooms*

1. Sunset house = 7/10. The house looks very cute and is situated at the Meenikunno bog. No sauna, no electricity, nothing posh. The upper floor is not isolated with a door, so embrace the warmth and crazy party people. Also, many random people were lurking around the house, so a bit more privacy was needed.

2. Kooraste house = 9/10. Best so far. The location was a winner for me, since it was very remote and blissful. On a downside the upper floor was, yet again, not isolated and the outdoor fireplace did not have a roof (problems whilst raining). Also, there was no sauna. Despite it all, I would recommend that place the highest. 

3. Kõverajärve house = 8,5/10. This time we were late with the booking and got a bit more expensive house (95 € for one night). To our surprise the house had electricity and fridge! For me it was a downside, but it was actually pretty nice to eat sour cream that did not want to explode. The lake was to die for and cleaner than at Kooraste. The upper floor was isolated, there was sauna and...wait for it... a water closet! However, neighbours were really close by  that's why it gets a lower score.

4. Soontaga house = 8,5/10. The house is literally built on the lake, but don't let the RMK pictures fool you, since water plants are really overgrown, which means that you cannot jump straight to the lake from the terrace. Like whatever, the house is still amazing – isolated upper floor, warm sauna and killer surrounding. Better weather, less bats and sheltered campfire would have put it next to Kooraste on the pedestal.

We were the first ones to arrive and started to dance the rain away 
(spoiler alert = it worked):

I would have preferred bikinis and flip flops,

The kitchen area and sexy chef:

Michelin-star restaurant:

Then friends started to arrive from Tallinn!
5 minutes in it looked like Viive 46 has lasted one week straight:

Those couples have had sex only with their partners (hopefully) at least 9 years in a row.
Tehke järgi või makske kinni!:

Alcohol goes in, happiness comes out:

When you have 99 problems, but campfire ain't one:

The summer menu with liquid dinner is served:

Baseball with a chopping board is always a good idea:

That moment when you cry inside because you left your drugs fishing rod at home:

They proposed and they accepted.
The bromance is official:


He caught a mermaid from the lake:

PEPCO influencers with matching hats
#ad #sponsored #partership #fashion #bargain:

That moment when you feel like you should go away, 
because you feel like you do not belong to this personal moment:

I realised that Christmas is just four months away:

If sea would be vodka and he would be a duck
he would jump in and drink his way up:

That cup he made himself and he could not be any prouder:

We are outdoorsy as we like getting drunk by campfires:

Summer downloaded 99%:

Next day was spent at Haukka laaut
aka cheap shit with ridiculous price:

We tried to form a gang once and it turned into a book club:

Noah's arc:

UNO card play is awesome for the players:

And stinky for the spectators:

During the night we experienced bat attack and sleep hours were cut short.
Power nap was a must:


Agro-cooking at its finest:

I'm fashionable even in the forest:

Picked some mushrooms and kissed some boys:

When others are asleep and you discover long exposure:

No need for drugs, we create our own trips:

Norman's new single cover:

A girl, TV and a star:

This, my friends is not a rabbit, this is a penis:

5AM at Soontaga:

We do recommend RMK rental cottages!
However, we are slowly running out of new ones to visit. Where to next?

Tuesday, August 13, 2019


For some years now Fred and I have booked tickets to warmer climate during our summer holiday (Italy I, II, III, IV;  Greece I, IICroatia). But this year bitches were too occupied with graduating that planning a trip was not on the agenda.  

Instead we left our sunscreen and bikinis at home and went on a roadtrip to see what Estonia has to offer. We did not get tanned, but it actually was pretty fun.

Sillamäe – Narva – RMK Karjamaa – Mustvee – Alatskivi – Andre Juustufarm (Tartumaa) – Vana-Antsla – Antsla – RMK Ähijärve – Võru – Päka – Värska – Leevi – Sänna – Valga – Valka – RMK Soontaga

The Estonian summer in one picture:

First stop was Sillamäe, closed town during Soviet era.
It's a pearl of 1950s architecture, where apartments cost 13 900 € (buy now):

Don't forget that Ida-Virumaa is amazing!
It's a pity that those two doofoses did not learn any Russian at school:

Next stop was Narva, the most eastern town in Estonia.
From 4th grade until 9th grade I visited Narva ridiculous amounts, since every class trip took us here and after that straight A students got a free trip to the exact same location. Probably the prices were lower for Ida-Virumaa, since nobody wanted to come here. 
I am pretty proud that my school showed how silly "the fear of east" is:

Once I went to Moscow with my ex boyfriend and I cheated him with another guy there.
Fred is not that keen to take a trip to Russia together:

They have best bicycle roads in Narva 
(and Russia looks pretty basic on the other side):

Swedish lions and Estonian lioness:

The taste of Mother Russia has not disappeared and is always watching: 

The few buildings that survived WWII airstrikes are now da bomb:

Next stop was RMK Karjamaa for food and sleep.
Did anyone order garlic bread and ma-ca-ma-ca-roni?

The lake Peipus, two chairs and him, the sweet sight for horny eyes:

Sorry that all the romance gets lost in my sarcasm:

Next stop was Mustvee, where I had not been for 7 days.
The fish and chips straight from Peipus:

He is wondering...

...why did we stay in Estonia...

...when summer weather here is like baby's asshole – you never know what comes out of it:

Next stop was Alatskivi (the copy of Balmoral) castle.
The is how it looks on the picture:

And this is the reality:

The roses are red and violets are dead,
the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head:

The unplanned next stop was Andre Juustufarm.
Since Pärna has given their cheese the highest review, we had to stop by:

Few cheese bites and petting later we were ready to continue our journey:

Next stop was Vana-Antsla, where we saw the play "Praegu pole aega armastamiseks" (I do recommend). 
After that it was dark and we got lost in the forest, so we slept at a random fisherman's yard:

At 5AM the fisherman found us sleeping there, 
but he was kind enough to let us have our beauty sleep:

I love him like
Latrex 335 loves water:

Next stop was Võru to charge our tummies and phone batteries:

I see your Santorini tanned body and raise you Estonian human reflector at a random forest:

Estonia might be pitch-black 8 months straight,
but the rest 4 months are rather enjoyable:

This is what greatest honey is made of:

As I am peeing in the woods, I try to remember how water closet toilet felt like:

Next stop was Päka AirBnb (link):

We upgraded our tent into a proper forest cabin.
No electricity (the thunder took it away), no water, no problem:

That moment when you really don't care about your daily problems that were left in the capital.

The most beautiful place to poop in:

A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh:

Bye, bye five-star hotel:

Next stop was Värska Tsäimaja.
Proper Seto breakfast at its finest:

Next stop was random farm.
At first we wanted to horseback ride, but weather was only good enough for cuddles
(which was even better):

This is the best boyband I have ever met,
they repeated all my singing:

Meet Mr. Tabula Rasa:

The moment when these three remind you Jüri Ratas, Helir-Valdor Seeder and Mart Helme:

Then the owner took us to the forest and left us all alone with horses:

The horse on the right was the pack leader 
and we had to read from her ears if we should run or not:

So cool, yet I shat my pants:


Probably living the best life at that very moment:

I have not touched anything softer than those noses:

The moment she heard that my toothbrush battery had died that morning.

This was the best (and cheapest) therapy I have ever had:

Thank you for always laughing at my bad jokes:

I have always loved Foals:

Horse Mati really liked me or was thinking 

Horses are super big scary animals,
but this turned out to be the peak of our travels:

Next stop was Sänna AirBnb (link).

aka paradise:

I found my inner Dr. Dolittle that day:

Sänna did not have a guard dog, since they had three fierce geese
(one of the was a duck, but don't tell him that):

Embrace yourselves, duck pictures are coming:

Clean clothes, warm shower and nine hour sleep later
I was purring like a kitten with twisted bra strap:

Not stressed, only desserts:

Then it was time to say goodbye to my gang:


Our final stop was RMK Soontaga house, where we met our friends.
More about that magical place in the next blog chapter.